


Unwinnable Scenarios

by platinumfail



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Abridged and Original Series mix, Awkward love things, Bones is sassy as always, F/M, Fun times on the Starship Enterprise, Pon Farr, Star Trek Abridged Original Series, Star Trek TOS, Star Trek the Original Series - Freeform, T'hy'la, Vulcan complexities of love or something, fem!jim/spock - Freeform, genderbent Jim, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 20:31:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10794243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/platinumfail/pseuds/platinumfail
Summary: “I don’t believe in unwinnable scenarios.” The girl quickly snapped back, a small smile falling on her pale lips, her white teeth flashing once again. Spock looked away briefly. There it was in his chest again. What was that? She was frustrating him more and more, but this was a complete foreign feeling.A Fem!Kirk/Spock fic where Spock learns that Kirk is his T'hy'la.





	Unwinnable Scenarios

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> This is my first Star Trek work in a super long time! I have recently gotten back into Star Trek, and I'm super excited about the writing inspiration it brings me! I am now at a new account on tumblr, girlkirk.tumblr.com. There, you can request fem!kirk/spock prompts. i would love to hear from you guys!
> 
> i want to apologize for how stupidly long this is. i hope that i don't bore you guys too much! there was just a lot i wanted to cover. this fic mainly covers Star Trek the Abridged Original Series (aka the movies) but there are elements of TOS as well. I like to mix both of them equally. 
> 
> ADDITIONAL NOTE: when it came to discussing Pon Farr and the T'hy'la concept, I drew from some Star Trek canon but added a bit more of my own personal flare. I hope that is okay with everyone!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy! <3 
> 
> Kayla

            It may be disgustingly cliché, but he’ll never forget the first time he encountered the fiery ball that was Jim Kirk. Here was this cadet with a confident air and looks to match, always ready to get up and go. When he had heard that she was the daughter of Lieutenant George Kirk, who died heroically on the USS Kelvin, he expected to see a cadet that was serious about her work, and ready to make a sacrifice just like her heroic father. He guessed he had processed that wrong. Here was a little cadet with a head full of messy blonde hair, scheming blue eyes, with her hands on her hips as she walked up to the microphone to state her case for _cheating_ the test that he himself designed. The test that he had slaved over and knew that, without a single logical doubt, was completely unbeatable. He had seen people have breakdowns over this exam, pass out before taking it, and everything in between. It was a dreaded test to those cadets that wanted to go into the tricky and difficult work of command.

            And this smirking blue-eyed blonde who was a bit too tall with a bit too short uniform skirt wiped the floor with him? Not on his watch. He remembered studying her quietly from his seat. He had honestly not wanted to see that snot-nosed childish cadet, but he was ready to teach her a lesson about cheating. His brown eyes observed her confidently clear her throat as she listened to Admiral Barnett address her. He didn’t pay attention until he heard the girl demand something.

            “Yes. I believe I have the right to face my accuser properly.” She stood straighter, waiting to see the person that thought they had the right to come after her like this, in front of all the other cadets.

            He silently stood, pulling down the top of his black uniform. He saw her quickly turn to stare at him, and that was the first time they ever made eye contact. It was quite prolonged, and he was somewhat surprised to feel a jolt. He chalked it up to his frustration with the girl, and continued to hide it.

            “This is Commander Spock, he is one of our most distinguished graduates. He’s programmed the Kobayashi Maru exam for the last 4 years.” Barnett introduced him, and he walked forward to the other microphone, continuing to stare at the girl. She wasn’t intimidated or afraid. But she would be. He was sure of it.

            “Cadet Kirk, you somehow managed to install and activate a sub-routine in the program, thereby changing the conditions of the test.” His clear and smooth voice spoke into the microphone.

            He watched the girl stare straight ahead with her stormy blue eyes before sending him a sideways glare. Her messy blonde hair fell down to below her flat chest, and she pushed her hand through it before she cleared her throat and maintained her cocky demeanor.

            “…Your point being?” She sassed, acting as if she had better things to do.

            “In academic vernacular, you cheated.” Admiral Barnett shot back. Spock could tell that the admiral was somewhat impressed by the cadet’s bold moves, but was also getting very frustrated at the disrespect. Spock looked up when the blonde leaned into the mic, her white teeth coming up in a very mild snarl before speaking.

            “Let me ask you something that I think we all know the answer to. The test itself is a cheat, isn’t it? I mean, you programmed it to be unwinnable.” She shot directly at Spock; the tall Vulcan would be lying if he said he wasn’t just the tiniest bit surprised. He knew that the girl was a “firecracker” – whatever that expression meant – but he wasn’t expecting her to truly begin to fight and even insult his concept behind the major exam’s point.

            “Your argument precludes the possibility of an unwinnable scenario.” Spock spoke, as if it was plain as day.

            “I don’t believe in unwinnable scenarios.” The girl quickly snapped back, a small smile falling on her pale lips, her white teeth flashing once again. Spock looked away briefly. There it was in his chest again. What was that? She was frustrating him more and more, but this was a complete foreign feeling. He knew he had more important things to focus on than how this child was making him feel. He would have to meditate on this. Was he really beginning to get annoyed with a mere cadet?

            “Then not only did you violate the rules, you also failed to understand the scenario’s lesson.” Spock enunciated back, wanting this petty little battle to be over with. Could a message not get through her head?

            “Oh,” She mocked, “please enlighten me.”

            “You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk, that a captain cannot cheat death.” Spock had enough of this cadet’s lip. He had more work to attend to, and he’d rather get back to that. He knew that was a fairly low blow, but he didn’t let on. His emotions had been so repressed through his training that he rarely felt a sting of a comment, but Cadet Kirk’s comebacks were beginning to get under his skin. And he still didn’t know what that damn feeling was that was spreading around his body like some foreign warmth.

            “I, of all people.” The cadet barely whispered into the microphone, rolling her eyes just the slightest. Spock could tell that she was just barely breathless at the jab he had sent her.

            “Your father, Lieutenant George Kirk, assumed command of his vessel before being killed in action, did he not?” Spock continued to prod. He hardly ever truly went this far when intellectually sparring with someone, but he was getting a bit uncomfortable with this new feeling and he wanted her out of his damn sight.

            “I don’t think you like the fact that I beat your test,” She scoffed, a laugh beginning to tug at her voice. Spock nearly let out a grimace. The feeling escalated as he stared at her lips that were hiding an even more vile comment.

            “Furthermore, you have failed to define the purpose of the test.” Spock cut her off just barely, his eyebrows getting lower and lower, a glare beginning to show on his face.

            “Enlighten me.” The cadet’s voice heightened a bit. He knew then that she was getting a bit more emotional about this, and she was angry.

            “The purpose is to experience fear. Fear in the face of certain death. To accept that fear, and then control oneself and one’s crew, this is a quality expected in every Starfleet captain.” Spock shot back.

            Little did he know he would be calling that snarky blonde cadet “Captain” before he could comprehend it.

            He was now staring at his captain successfully negotiating a treaty on one of the planets they had stopped to visit. They were sent on a diplomatic mission by Starfleet to discuss with the human colony on the planet about Starfleet regulation. If there was one thing that Captain Kirk was good at, it was her negotiations. Spock had heard a few male captains in the fleet merely brush Kirk off by saying that she was only successful because she was a “looker” and anybody would make a deal with her.

            Spock knew that was not at all true. Why would anyone agree to a challenging treaty or tariff just because the negotiator was a beautiful female? He cleared his throat as he watched Kirk take a sip from her glass of wine that she was offered, throwing her head back and laughing her iconic laugh. When he had first heard it, he thought it was the loudest and most obnoxious sound he had ever heard. However, he would not deny the warm feeling that he had felt nearly a year ago when confronting her for the first time at the Academy would grow each time she would let that musical sound out of her pink mouth.

            He had still not figured out what the feeling was and what it meant. Of course, he knew about the fact that he would have a Th’y’la, but he thought he would find his intellectual and emotional match for life at a later time, not so quickly after being commissioned to serve on the Starship Enterprise as Captain Kirk’s First Officer. He licked his lips since they had become alarmingly dry as he was lost in thought. Himself and Captain Kirk had only begun this weird concept of a friendship a few months ago when she allowed him to become her First Officer. He had, of course, been encouraged to be Kirk’s first officer due to meeting his alternate self, but he was uneasy about that elderly Vulcan. Spock felt like his other self was definitely hiding something. It wasn’t anything sinister, but he could tell in the way that his alternate self would softly smile and act around Jim. It somewhat reminded him of how his father would be around his mother, but it was nothing too out of the ordinary that would give anything away. It was eating at Spock – almost as much as that warm feeling he got when he made eye contact with the girl for the first time at the Academy.

            “Well, it seems like everything is nicely in order. I’ll deliver this agreement to the Federation. Before we leave, I’d like to have our CMO, McCoy, look over you and your small colony. It’s Starfleet regulation for a doctor from the Federation come and check the health of you and your colony each year.” Jim smiled, shaking the hand of the leader of the colony before stepping back.

            “Bones, have at it. Watch out, he’s got great hypo reflexes,” Jim joked, causing the members of the small colony to laugh once again.

            The tall blonde walked back over to where Spock was standing, happily taking her place next to his side. She brushed off her gold command dress, clearing her throat.

            “I wish all my diplomatic missions were that easy. Geez. Remember when I tried to crack a joke to make the Organians more comfy?” Jim smirked, causing Spock to look away, suppressing a sigh, but also a small smile.

            “Yes. It was right after I had informed you that they were far above humans in the evolutionary scale, even farther above than you are from an amoeba.” Spock cleared his throat, waiting for McCoy to finish his exams on the small colony group of 10.

            “You’re such a drag,” Jim teased, putting her hands on her hips, “Are you up for some 3D Chess tonight, Mr. Spock?” She smiled, turning to look at him.

            And how could he say no to those shockingly blue eyes?

**\--**

            Spock began to understand his “warm” feeling when being around the captain when he had walked past the med bay. His ears perked up when he heard the captain’s laugh. Usually, he would walk right past, but he stopped in his tracks to merely see what was going on in the med bay. After all, it would be bad if one of the medical officers was seen goofing off with the captain when they should be always alert and ready to receive the injured and take care of the injured that were already in the bay.

            _“Oh come on, Bones. Let me practice!” Jim laughed again, clapping her hands together as the CMO was sitting at his desk, trying to work on paperwork but to no avail._

_“Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor, not an acting coach. Why don’t you just try talking to the hobgoblin about your feelings? Besides, don’t you think that’s kind of gross? Imagine how nasty y’all’s children would look like.” Bones visibly shivered, not taking his eyes off of the paperwork in front of him._

_Kirk turned three shades of pink before slapping the CMO on the shoulder, crossing her arms on her chest, embarrassed._

_“Shh! You know those pointy ears hear everything!” Kirk hissed, crossing her legs as McCoy held back a snort._

_“Yeah, those ears that you think are maybe the ‘sexiest—“_

            “HAHAHAHA!” Jim laughed loudly, hurriedly cutting off the doctor, knowing that her laugh probably echoed well into the med bay hallway.

            That was when Spock heard her. He walked into the med bay and peeked around the corner to see Jim sitting on McCoy’s desk, preventing him from doing any work. Spock saw McCoy look up and roll his eyes, putting down his pen.

            “Fine. I’ll give you about three minutes. Make it quick, I still have to finish up two more supply request forms.” He groaned, leaning forward.

            “Whew. Okay,” Jim rubbed her thin hands together, clearing her throat.

            Spock raised an eyebrow. He had never seen the captain that nervous. Was she trying to ask Dr. McCoy for a favor, or something? But even then, the captain was never apprehensive with Dr. McCoy, they were best friends before they even got on the Enterprise. Spock felt extremely immature by subtly spying on the doctor and captain, but he felt he could have a logical reason behind it as well. After all, shouldn’t the First Officer know where the captain is at all times? What if a problem breaks out?

            “Look. Um, I really like you. I mean, the first time I saw you at the academy, the first thing that went through my mind was ‘ _OH NO HE’S HOT’_!” Jim blurted, causing Spock to widen his eyes in absolute shock. Did…did the captain just announce that she had feelings for Dr. McCoy?

            “Jim, you can’t—“

            “Hold on, let me finish. I’m still working on the best part,” she whined, tapping her foot. “Okay. I know how crazy that sounds, and how inappropriate this is, since we always go on away missions together and you’re always at my side, and I know that all you can think of right now is Starfleet protocol, but, I think we make a good team. Just if we get…romantically involved doesn’t mean that we can’t work efficiently!”

            Spock felt himself unconsciously clench his fists together. The captain…had feelings for the doctor? How did that happen? They always claimed that they were close friends, like related family members. He closed his eyes and squeezed them shut. Maybe he was overanalyzing? Then again, though, it makes enough logical sense. McCoy had been there for Jim since the very beginning, and McCoy never got into a fight with Jim in front of the whole entire Cadet class, effectively humiliating her. McCoy also never insulted her by throwing her father’s death in her face. Spock felt the warm feeling in his chest get hotter – it was no longer just a pleasant warm. He felt his blood boil. How highly inappropriate this was! Captain Kirk could not be in a relationship with anybody. She had a ship to serve, and she could not get emotionally compromised. When they had begun their 5-year mission mere months ago, she told him that she was ‘married’ to the Enterprise, and that it was all she cared about. Spock put his hand on the doorframe, breathing heavily. He had to calm himself down. He couldn’t become emotionally compromised, not when the captain was fooling around with the CMO. He felt anger rise up in him. Dr. McCoy…he should know that it is highly inappropriate to be flirting with a ship’s captain in such a way! Besides, the doctor had been married before…that wouldn’t sit well with the captain, right?

            Spock was taken out of his stupor when he felt the part of the doorframe he was holding onto bend to his strength. He bit his lip barely. Now he was destroying Enterprise property. He quickly pulled down his blue uniform shirt and cleared his throat, hurrying his way out of the med bay and into his quarters. He was grateful that the Beta shift was on the bridge now. He needed time to meditate and get himself back into order. However, no matter how hard he tried, and how much he strained his brain, he could not get that hotter than hell feeling out of his body.

            “How was that?” Jim anxiously asked, jumping off of McCoy’s desk as the doctor turned in his chair, crossing his legs and looking at his best friend seriously.

            “Jim, come on. Isn’t it established that the hobgoblin doesn’t even have emotions? Besides, don't you think he has something going on with Lieutenant Uhura?” McCoy tried to reason with his lovesick captain. He could do without Jim obviously checking out the Vulcan on the bridge or on planetary missions.

            “Hey, as captain, I already did my own digging into that little rumor. It’s false. I even talked to Uhura. It’s all good. She’s actually encouraging me to get with Spock, anyway.” Jim sighed, obviously relieved.

            “Well, I can’t tell you what to do and what not to do, Jim. I mean, that’s on you. I can’t make your decision for you. I’m a doctor, not –“

            “You’re a doctor, not a guidance counselor, I get it, Bones!” Jim explained, biting back a small laugh, “So…what parts of my love speech should I cut out for the _hobgoblin_?”

            “Well, first of all, you saying ‘ _Oh no he’s hot_ ’ as your impression of first seeing him when he was basically whipping your ass in front of the whole cadet class.”

            “That’s kind of _kinky_ , Bones.”

            “GET OUT OF MY MED BAY.”   

**\--**

            Later that evening, Jim was back in her captain’s seat, Spock standing at his station that was near the Captain. McCoy was also on the bridge for the time being. They had already eaten dinner in the mess, and Jim couldn’t help but feel as if there was an unspeakable aggression that was going on between Spock and Bones. She chalked it up to Bones being frustrated that she didn’t let him get any work done because she was pining after the Vulcan the whole time she was in the med bay. She didn’t think any of the aggression was radiating off of Spock, but, in reality, it was. The Vulcan was absolutely distracted and upset. The worst part of it was that he didn’t even understand it. He had no reason to be acting in such a way. Captain Kirk was not his betrothed. Captain Kirk was not someone that he had kissed or touched. She was his captain, point-blank. His captain that he couldn’t get out of his mind…every second of every single day, that blonde ball of excitable energy was in his brain, begging him to do something about it. To nurture that energy, hold it close, and protect it.

            He swallowed dryly as he was brought back to working at his station, closing his eyes momentarily. He sat up straighter, trying to make his foot stop tapping the floor. He felt Uhura look over and stare at him questionably, wondering why he was almost erratically tapping the floor with his foot. He cleared his throat and stood up, ignoring the raised eyebrow of the Lieutenant.

            “Captain, am I free to make a suggestion?” Spock stood next to the captain’s chair. Jim quickly turned to look at her First Officer, her heart going to her throat. Dammit, she was feeling like she was some _horndog_ in high school who wanted to sneak into the boys’ locker room. She didn’t know if it was because she hadn’t had release in a long time, or what. But she knew what she wanted, and that was Spock. He was all she could think about too, and trust, she was getting just as annoyed with it. Here was this pointy-eared bastard that had pissed her off the first time they met and even SHOT HER OFF TO ANOTHER PLANET LEAVING HER BEHIND not even 9 months ago, and she was madly in love with him. She knew that he didn’t see her in such a light, but as she announced confidently, she didn’t believe in no-win scenarios. As soon as she garnered enough balls, she would totally stop and talk with Spock. She never had any problems sauntering over to an attractive male and flirting with him, but Spock was something different, and she knew it wasn’t because he was her First Officer either.

            Kirk realized that Spock was awaiting her go ahead, and she quickly shook her head, clearing her throat.

            “Always, Mr. Spock.” She coughed out, glaring at Bones who was hiding a sly chuckle under his hand. He would _so_ pay for that later.

            “Since we are to pass by New Vulcan on our way to our next scientific mission, I assumed that it would be only logical to request of you that we stop by New Vulcan so that I can discuss matters with my father and the Vulcan elders about our New Vulcan colony, since I am also held to the responsibility of helping to further the Vulcan race.” Spock kept his arms folded behind his back, staring straight ahead instead of at the captain.

            He had never made a personal request like this before, but he was beginning to get desperate. Here he was, having this dire situation unfolding in his chest where he could feel nothing but unbearable heat and anger, and he couldn’t even will it away with his years of masterful training and meditation. Perhaps something was wrong with him or his development? What if other Vulcans were experiencing the same thing? He knew that he wasn’t due a Pon Farr for about two more years, so he put that possibility to the side. It would be his first Pon Farr. He shuddered at the shameful thought of it. However, whenever he would think about the ritual, only one face would come to his mind, and it was of Jim’s.

            “Oh! Yes, most definitely, Spock. That’s a great idea! It’ll be good to have a break for about a day or two, we’re not due to be at our next scientific exploration for another week. I can visit my old friend!” Kirk smiled cheekily.

            Spock nearly let out an exasperated sigh. Why was she so friendly with his alternate older self? He cleared his throat and nodded curtly at the captain.

            “Much obliged, Captain.” Spock responded before heading back up to his station. He looked to the side and once again got lost in thought. As much as he wasn’t very fond of the idea of his alternate self, he did know that he could ask a veiled question and see if the alternate Spock would respond. Perhaps his alternate self knew about this feeling that he was currently experiencing and how to end it.

            He looked up from his station to see Jim roll her eyes at McCoy, telling him to leave her alone, and ‘ _don’t you have someone to hypo for God’s sake?_ ’ Spock tilted his head. Now that was illogical. If what he had assumed was the situation between the doctor and the captain had occurred as he saw it the other night, then wouldn’t the pair be happy to be around each other? Wouldn’t the captain want the doctor by her side on the bridge? Spock raised an eyebrow and studied the captain’s body language. She was being her usual self – joking around and also looking out for her crew. If she and the doctor had cultivated a relationship, he was sure the captain would be acting somewhat differently. Spock felt the heat fall away from his chest for a few moments – perhaps McCoy did not have feelings for the captain and swept her to the side. He nodded to himself as he worked on his computer, but the red-hot burn came back – just because McCoy had denied Jim did not mean that Jim’s feelings went out the window.

            He looked at his calculations and knew that they would arrive at New Vulcan in approximately 0800 hours. His abnormal behavior would hopefully soon be solved.

 

**\--**

            “Okay Enterprise crew. We are now docked above New Vulcan. We must always have a team on the Enterprise at all times. Since Commander Spock is my first officer and he will be spending his time down on New Vulcan, I will put Lieutenant Sulu in charge of the Enterprise while we are down on the planet. If anyone should need us, we can be contacted via our comms. This should be a peaceful day for all of us aboard the Enterprise, since we are in protected space that is under Vulcan territory. Any questions?” Jim put her hands on her hips, briefing her crew.

            Spock continued to observe the young female, her gold command dress riding up just a bit as she put her thin hands on her hips. He watched her attempt to read the looks on the crew’s face and she let out a smile.

            “Alright, great. With that being said, Mr. Spock, let’s go to the transporter room and beam down. Scotty, you’re beaming us down right?”

            “As always, Captain.” Scotty chimed, happily leading the captain and Spock to the transporter room.

            Spock took a deep breath, picking off invisible lint from his blue uniform shirt, basically being able to feel the excitement and happiness just radiating off of his captain. He allowed himself to look at her through the corner of his eyes, seeing how her white teeth were exposed with her pale lips pinned up into a smile, her somewhat messy blonde hair framing her face perfectly.

            “Alright, just let me know when you two are ready to be beamed up back onto the Enterprise,” Scotty announced, getting ready to activate the transporter.

            “Sounds good, Scotty. Now, you gotta leave some moonshine for me when I get back, I swear, if you guys have emptied out the dang stills—“

            “The engineers are making alcohol in the stills, and you are ALLOWING this to occur?” Spock asked gravely, shooting a look at Scotty.

            “ALRIGHT YOU GUYS ARE READY TO GO. ENERGIZE.” The Scotsman quickly shouted, pressing the button before he could get his head glared off by the tall Vulcan. He swore, sometimes that damn lass couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

**\--**

            When Spock and Jim were beamed down onto the planet, Spock’s father, Sarek, and Ambassador Spock greeted them. Spock quickly departed from the captain to speak to his father privately. Spock prime spared a knowing glance, but didn’t lead on, walking to address the lovely captain.

            “Ambassador Spock! It’s so great to see you again!” Jim smiled, nearly about to give the elder a big hug. She stopped herself before she could attempt to crush the man, even though Vulcans were still three times stronger than humans.

            “Hello, Jim. It is very nice to see you again as well. How has the Enterprise been doing since I saw you last?” He inquired, deciding to walk the other direction opposed to the direction that Spock and his father had quickly walked away to.

            “It’s going really well! We just finished a little diplomatic task, talking to the small human colony that just put its roots down on Trars B. There are only 10 colonizers, but that's a great number to get a community going.” Jim nodded, happily walking alongside her old friend.

            “Ah, very good work, Jim. It can be sometimes difficult to discuss Starfleet regulation with others, especially those that are excited to start their own colonies. Then again, you were always a great negotiator in my timeline as well.” Ambassador Spock smiled softly, making Jim puff out her cheeks.

            “Man, I know that I can’t really ask you super deep questions about Spock and I and our lives in your timeline, but it’s just killing me! Isn’t there a fun story or something you can tell me about? That wouldn’t ruin anything, would it?” She whined, her blue eyes getting wider, plump bottom lip poking out.

            “Well, here is a little fact, I suppose. You still whined like that in my timeline too.” Ambassador Spock bit back a smart giggle, causing Jim to let out a loud groan.

            “You’re killing me here!”

            “Everything will come in due time, Jim. Remember, I did get _your_ Spock to continue his work on the Enterprise. I had also told you about the great relationship you two were going to come into having. I believe that is as much information as a normal person would want.”

            “Grandpa Spock, you and I should both know that I’m not a normal person in the least.” Jim smirked, letting out a sly laugh.

            “I believe that is most likely true in every single timeline one would stumble into. However, I can’t help but sense that something is going on in your mind, Jim. Since you allowed myself to mind meld with you to give you visions of the situation that happened several months ago, I can still feel little whispers of your thoughts and worries.” Ambassador Spock sent Jim a knowing stare, causing her to blush a deep crimson.

            “Ugh, why would you ask if you already kind of know what it is?” Jim rubbed her face in embarrassment, shaking her head.

            “You should know that I am not fond of directly assuming things, especially those that concern one’s private affairs.”

            “Yeah, yeah, I get it. I guess I’ll tell you…” Jim let out a heavy sigh, crossing her legs as both she and Ambassador Spock took a seat at one of the tables in the Vulcan embassy.

            “Well…you probably already know from the mind meld that we had several months ago that I had feelings for….my Spock. Of course, when you mind melded with me at that time, I was basically super pissed off at my Spock because the asshole had basically shot me out of the Enterprise onto a barren planet to basically die…” Jim began, causing Ambassador Spock to shake his head fondly.

            “I will concur with you that you had a lot of extreme emotions coming through at that time, but I cannot say that the anger veiled the love you felt.”

            Jim stopped dead in her tracks, her mouth plopping open, her cheeks going through various shades of red, starting at the light end of the spectrum, basically going all the way to burgundy.

            “L-Love?” Jim choked out, happy that she wasn’t eating or drinking anything at the moment, even though Ambassador Spock did ask her if she wanted anything.

            “Ah. I see. You haven’t come to that exact conclusion yet…” Ambassador Spock awkwardly spoke, looking to the side. “I will have to be more careful with what I say now.”

            “WELL…DUH! Okay, don’t take this the wrong way, but...you’re so different from _my_ Spock. Like, you actually show that you have some emotions. My Spock doesn’t. He’s always like ‘ _Captain, you shouldn’t run down the halls at such a speed unless there’s a dire emergency_ ’ and ‘ _Captain, your move was very foolish, and now I have an easy path to a checkmate_.’” Jim threw her hands up into the air in frustration, getting a sympathetic look from Ambassador Spock.

            “Jim, you should know that there are complexities to Vulcan emotion. We are not an emotionless species. We all feel emotions in an extremely intense spectrum, however, we meditate and learn to control these emotions and use logic to guide our way. I know that you had learned that when we mind melded,” Spock reminded Kirk, sure to put her back into her space.

            “Well, I know, but –“

            “It is also important to keep in mind that both I and my younger counterpart are half human. While we are Vulcan and have Vulcan biological characteristics, we both have even more intense emotion. I believe that you once blurted that _your_ Spock’s eyes were very emotional.” Ambassador Spock nodded, clasping his hands together, making Jim’s face turn red with frustration.

            “Yeah, yeah, okay, Ambassador Spock. You caught me red handed with your brain. I do…have very deep feelings for Spock. It’s hard for me to understand, even. I should be completely annoyed with him. I mean, here’s the guy that basically dragged me in front of all the cadets since I ‘cheated’ on his precious exam,”

            Ambassador Spock laughed a bit at that, shaking his head.

            “and I mean, how can one forget, as I mentioned earlier, that just a few months ago this man had basically marooned me on an almost inhabitable planet!” Jim exclaimed, shaking her head, massaging her temples. “But…it’s true. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to talk to him about this, but I’m afraid of his reaction. He seems like the last person who would be okay with having a relationship with another officer, especially that of a superior officer. I don’t want to lose him again, y’know? I don’t want him to leave the Enterprise and work on another ship due to my irresponsible emotions…” Jim gushed out, her voice getting softer until she was merely whispering, her blue eyes staring at her hands in her lap.

            “Jim, please, do not beat yourself up so badly. While I cannot exactly speak for my younger counterpart, I can say that, while Vulcans like myself are very talented at veiling their emotions, love is one of our strongest. I cannot fully explain to you what I see when I see my younger counterpart with you, but it would very much point to signs of affection.” Ambassador Spock cleared his throat, trying to help the poor captain.

            “WAIT. WHOA! You can’t just drop something like that on me, Ambassador! I swear, you really haven’t changed that much from your counterpart when it comes to stuff like this. You both just say these facts that blow my mind and don’t ever back them up! Now come on, that can’t be _logical_ , can it?” Jim argued, putting her thin nose up in the air.

            “I can see the merits of your argument, Jim. However, as I have stressed before, revealing things that have happened in my timeline could potentially have grave consequences. In order for things to potentially go the way they did in my timeline between yourself and my younger self, then you must be patient and not pry. I can tell you that everything works out for the best.”

            “Okay, when you put it like ‘ _everything works out for the best_ ,’ it makes it sound like something horrible happens between us. You can’t just say that my Spock feels affection for me, and you can tell without giving up some information that supports your hypothesis! Hello, Scientific Method, much?”

            “Alright, Jim. I’ll indulge you for a bit. However, I will only tell you things that I observe with my younger counterpart in regards to how he acts around you, and I will not provide you with any hints about my timeline. Understood?”

            “You got it, Ambassador.”

            “Alright. Well, I am sure you’ve always wondered how Vulcans choose their mates, correct?” Ambassador Spock asked, raising an eyebrow.

            “…Well, uh…” Jim scratched the back of her head, turning pink, “yeah, I guess. It’s kind of a secretive thing, isn’t it? I mean, the rest of us just assume that it’s done quite…logically.” Jim shrugged, biting her bottom lip.

            “Vulcans choose their mates based upon an intimate connection, such as being completely intertwined in each other’s thoughts and being, theoretically, one.”

            “So…is it like a marriage to humans?” Jim asked, obviously not following. Then again, how could she? She felt incredibly stupid – here she was, having quite a few conquests under her belt, and she could get any man’s legs to feel like jelly (for the most part.) She used to love making men get all shy and jumpy around her, always knowing that she was a flame that could not be tamed. She was not tied to romantic emotion or concepts. However, that had changed after she had met Spock. Now she was learning something so exquisite, and dare she say, _romantic_ , about her Spock’s culture.

            “It is even deeper than that tradition, Jim. This is something that brings two minds together into one. When a Vulcan finds his or her T’hy’la, they are bonded through the mind. They can feel each other…whether they are lightyears away and galaxies apart. They are never separated, even if they are physically.” Ambassador Spock explained, a sadness pulling at his heartstrings.

            In his timeline, he was with Jim. His Jim, who was happy and beautiful and always ready to defend others, the one that was his T’hy’la. The young Jim that was in front of him, while she did look like his Jim, only a bit younger, was much more spunkier, but he still saw the Jim that he was talking to as a part of his Jim. Of course, he knew that they were different, but he knew that his younger self in this timeline would never be able to experience the love and pure happiness and joy that having a T’hy’la would bring him if he did not encourage him to ask to be Jim’s first officer aboard the Starship Enterprise. He wouldn’t dare reveal this to his younger self or the Jim sitting in front of him, but he knew that he could at least fill this Jim in about the tradition of the T’hy’la.

            “Wow…so you can feel your T’hy’la always? Even if they’re on a planet that’s on the total opposite side of the galaxy?” Jim breathed, her eyes wide.

            “Yes, exactly. That is how strong this bond is.”

            “…Do you still have your T’hy’la?” Jim asked, highly interested. She wasn’t asking to figure out who her Spock would end up with, but she was genuinely interested to who brought the elder Spock happiness in his timeline.

            “No, I do not. When they…pass away, the link is broken. However, I had several years with my T’hy’la. We were always together, we never had to be a galaxy away…” Ambassador Spock sighed.

            Jim decided to not go further, she could tell that Ambassador Spock was still a bit sad over this. However, the Ambassador quickly stood up when he spotted Sarek and his younger self walk into the same area that himself and Jim were in. Jim saw her Spock flush a mild green, and she raised an eyebrow.

            “Captain, would you mind if I discussed…matters with…Ambassador Spock?” Spock cleared his throat, adjusting his uniform once again. Jim nearly let out a giggle – it was always so funny to see how her Spock was so uncomfortable around his alternate counterpart. Then again, she knew that if she had met her counterpart from the older Spock’s timeline, she might feel the same way. She wondered how she would look as an older woman in that timeline.

            “Sure thing! I can just beam back up and check on the ship,”

            “Captain Kirk. If it is not too much of a hindrance to you, I would like to speak to you.” Sarek’s deep voice echoed out, nearly making Jim shit her pants.

            She’ll be the first to admit that Spock’s father intimidated the living hell out of her. I mean, he was a total full Vulcan. Of course, she knew that he had fallen in love with Spock’s human mother, so she wasn’t as intimidated by him, but she still got the chills. She was worried that she would commit another Vulcan faux pas – the last one she committed was when she met one of Spock’s Vulcan colleagues and shook hands with him as if she was on autopilot, not knowing that Vulcans basically kissed with their hands. Spock was furious, and Jim could tell. She thought it was just because she had humiliated him in front of an old colleague, but it was definitely beyond that. To this day, she still didn’t know that she had basically made out with his colleague. Spock detested the thought of another Vulcan getting close to Jim – especially in such an intimate light and not even making Jim let go or avoiding her hand. The nerve of some people…

            “Uh, sure!” Jim exclaimed, looking back to Spock Prime with anxious eyes. She saw the old man’s eyes wrinkle up at the sides in a small smile, and she took a deep breath. She assumed that Spock would know his father better than anybody, right?

            “Follow me.” Sarek instructed Jim, having her follow behind him to another meeting room as Spock took his seat across from his counterpart.

            Jim scampered after Sarek, suddenly being much more aware of her appearance. She patted down her gold dress and hoped that her blonde locks weren’t all over the place like they usually were. She hated how frizzy her wavy hair could get sometimes. I mean, she was always working so hard on the Enterprise, running around. What did you expect for her hair to look like when she’s busting her ass? She pulled back her shoulders and walked straighter. If she knew any piece of advice, it was to fake it until you make it. I mean, that’s why she was able to do a lot of things in her life. She followed Sarek into one of the sleek rooms and took her seat across from him at his desk. She hoped this would be painless. Then again, with a Vulcan, nothing was painless.

 

**\--**

 

            “I have…an important question to inquire of you.” Spock cleared his throat, looking at his alternate counterpart, his brown eyes observing just how worn his face looked as an old man.

            “I need not remind you that you cannot ask questions that pertain to critical events in my timeline, since that would wreak potential havoc in this current timeline.”

            “You need not remind me,” Spock sighed, looking to the side. He swore, the less he could see of his counterpart, the better.

            “Then you may inquire anything of me, and I shall attempt to answer it as fully as possible.” Ambassador Spock nodded, waiting for his younger self to come out with the question.

            “My question…is quite…abnormal, Ambassador.” Spock began, focusing on his hands folded in front of him, “have you ever…had…” he cleared his throat, “a certain…sensation in your chest? One that is pleasantly warm, but quickly burns into something that feels like flames burning you from the inside?” Spock kept his eyes off of his counterpart, not wanting to look the elder in the eye. He hated having to admit to these feelings, but he was not fond of asking the question of his father. He had discussed…other matters with his father. It was killing him to know what his father was discussing with Jim, and he hoped it wasn’t about what he had confided to his father. However…if his father found it logical to tell Jim, then he could not argue nor protest.

 

**\--**

            “Captain Kirk, I am sure that you are not very well-versed on Vulcan customs and practices, especially those that pertain to Vulcan biology,” Sarek began, taking his seat across from the Enterprise captain, his eyebrows raised.

            “…I…I suppose so. If I have insulted you in any way with this visit, I, from the bottom of my heart, sincerely apologize-“

            “There is nothing to apologize for, Captain. I am merely asking you whether you have any previous knowledge about the Vulcan race and culture. Since you focused on the command subject while at Starfleet Academy, I had not conceived that you would know much about Vulcan culture and biology. However, I do not like to make firm assumptions without asking questions such as these before continuing.”

            Jim let out a relieved breath, not caring if Sarek saw her relief. She was so scared that she had done yet another Vulcan mishap. Did she sit down too soon, was her skirt too short? Was yellow a forbidden color? She was happy to know that she had not insulted him…yet.

            “Alright. Well, no, I do not know much about Vulcan life and biology. I was just versed in Vulcan politics and diplomacy.” Jim responded, clasping her hands together.

            “I see that my assumption was correct. I wanted to discuss with you something that will potentially occur two years from now. When it does, I must ask you of a…favor.”

**\--**

            “I can tell you that yes, I have experienced what you are feeling in my timeline. It is a feeling that can be very…frustrating, as I am sure you have been experiencing as of late.” Spock Prime answered his counterpart.

            “You are correct. This…sensation is one that I cannot will away or meditate on. I do know that it is not…Pon Farr.” Spock cleared his throat, not very fond of discussing the Vulcan compulsory mating cycle.

            “Yes. It is nothing like Pon Farr. May I ask for more information on your sensations? When do these sensations arise, and when did they begin?” Spock Prime inquired. He, of course, knew what these feelings were, but he wanted to make sure.

            “This…warming sensation decamped in my chest approximately a year ago when I had faced Captain Kirk, who was, at the time, a Starfleet Cadet, standing before Admiral Barnett and other high ranking officials in Star Fleet. We had made eye contact and the warmth developed. I had…rationally assumed that it was due to my growing frustration with the girl for having so simply cheated the test that I had worked so very hard on.”

            “I see. This…sensation has been continuing steadily since that moment of first noticing Jim, correct?” Spock Prime inquired.

            Spock bristled up just a bit. So his alternate self could call the captain by her first name? He hid his obvious distaste and cleared his throat.

            “Yes. However, in the past week, this sensation has reached a burning sensation.”

            “…What caused the burning sensation to arise? Was there an incident in which you had witnessed something?” Spock Prime asked.

            Spock hesitated with his elder self for a moment. Should he confide what he had witnessed?

**\--**

            “What’s the favor?” Jim asked, raising a blonde eyebrow. She was surprised that Spock’s father would ask her of a favor that she would fulfill two years into the future. Vulcans didn’t really ask for favors, let alone very prominent ones like Sarek.

            “Without revealing too much about Vulcan biology, you must know that every seven years, something happens to the Vulcan body. I am to request that you keep this information a sincere secret when the time comes in two years. My son, Spock, is due for his in two years time.”

            Jim was still thoroughly confused. Why couldn't Vulcans say things in just plain speak? Did it really kill them to use a lot of contractions and some words they could find on Urban Dictionary? Kirk was quite fond of that ancient relic. She loved figuring out what slang was used back then, even looking at the Urban Dictionary with Uhura to uncover writings from the 21st Century. Kirk would never be able to get the definition of ‘Truffle Butter’ – why would anyone create a music piece discussing that? She shook her head of the thought and decided to respond to Sarek, even though she had no clue what the hell was being asked of her.

            “I’ll be honest with you, sir. I really don’t understand what you are asking of me. Could you please explain this to me? As the Captain, I need to know thoroughly what I am being asked to do…in two years time.” Jim confidently spoke, happy that she was able to keep the awkward quiver in her voice away from being so obviously shown. She had negotiated with Romulans and the mix, but nothing intimidated her more than Spock’s dad.

            “I suppose I could…explain this in a different way,” Sarek began, looking off to the side to try and figure out how to get this concept through the blonde’s thick skull.

 

**\--**

            Spock didn’t want to admit to his alternative self what exactly set off his flaming feeling in his chest that began a week ago. He knew that it would definitely reveal something that he rather not let others know. However, he knew that he should not have any apprehension around his alternative self. After all, his alternative self did say that he experienced the same exact feelings.

            “It began when I heard the Captain laughing with Dr. McCoy in the med bay. I had merely walked over to see what was causing the captain to react in such a way. If she was distracted, or a member of the personnel in the med bay was not focusing on helping patients, the effectiveness of the output by the members of the Enterprise would potentially lower by 0.1 percent,”

            “Of course…” Spock Prime cleared his throat.

            “That being said, I saw the captain sitting on Dr. McCoy’s desk, confessing her feelings to him.” Spock managed to pry out of his mouth, clamping it shut once again.

            “Are you sure that the captain was discussing her love of Dr. McCoy with the doctor?” Spock inquired, a bit taken aback.

            “I am not one hundred percent sure. I believed that it was only logical for her to be discussing something of that nature with the doctor. However, the captain’s behavior did not change after discussing her…feelings with the doctor, and I have reason to believe that they are not involved in a relationship.” Spock finished, just relieved to finally spit everything out.

            “Well…I cannot provide much insight from my timeline, but I can confide in you with a crucial fact. Jim and McCoy are not romantically involved in my timeline. They are merely close friends, like that of a sibling relationship. They would sacrifice their lives for each other, but would most likely never fall in love romantically or push their relationship beyond that of a platonic nature. When I observed Jim and McCoy when I last saw them together, I confirmed that they both still saw each other in a platonic light. I doubt much has changed since then. While I cannot give you a definite answer, I can give you the reasoning that it would be highly improbable and illogical for Jim and the good doctor to be in a relationship.” Spock Prime finished, hiding a small smile.

            Hook. Line. Sinker. His younger alternative self was experiencing the throes of T’hy’la, similar to what he went through in his timeline with his Jim. He debated if he should confide in this to his younger self, but he decided to listen to his younger counterpart to respond.

**\--**

            “Captain. Vulcans must mate every seven years or face certain death. This concept of Pon Farr ruptures the reason and logic in the Vulcan mind. This can be very detrimental if the Vulcan cannot get to their destined mate at this time. I merely request of you to understand my son when this opportune time comes, and bring him back to New Vulcan to be sated. I will also have medicine for you to take to the CMO of your starship that can be administered to my son should you and your crew be on a critical mission or are too far away from New Vulcan.” Sarek completed.

            It was neither appropriate nor customary for Vulcans do discuss Pon Farr with each other, let alone another race and with a member of the opposite sex. Sarek, however, had deemed it logical to educate the captain on this matter in order to save his son from potentially dying. He knew how stubborn the captain could be, and he did not want the captain’s lack of understanding of Pon Farr to result in the death of his son. Spock was all he had left of Amanda, Spock’s mother. Spock had also taken him aside as soon as he landed with the captain to discuss the throes of Pon Farr. He had deemed that this was a major source of stress for his son, and he wanted to alleviate it.

            “Oh…” Kirk whispered, her blue eyes blown huge, “OH. Oh. Okay. Okay, yes. You have my word, sir. I will return Spock to New Vulcan if it is within our distance. If not, I will give orders for Dr. McCoy, our CMO, to administer the drugs to Spock.” Jim nearly choked on her spit still, a fuzzy feeling arising in the base of her tummy.

            She didn’t know why, but she was excited by this concept. She, of course, choked this down deep within her. Yes, Spock would go into a ‘mating frenzy’ in two years time, and he would have to be delivered back to New Vulcan or given medication. However, a sinking feeling crashed her fuzzy emotions, gray splattering her rose-tinted vision that arose when she learned of Spock’s need to mate.

            “…Who is Spock’s mate?” Jim blurted, raising a blonde eyebrow.

            Sarek was taken aback by Jim’s abrupt and serious question, noticing that the Captain was very serious, her usual unbothered disposition gone and replaced by harsh leadership. He was now able to see further as to why the captain was so esteemed…and why the captain was his son’s T’hy’la.

            “Captain Kirk, I will say to you that your inquiry is quite crude. A Vulcan’s mate is something that is quite private until the Vulcan who then tells his mate decides it. At a later time, it will be announced publicly in a traditional ceremony. I believe that the question of who my son’s mate is, is completely up to my son’s discretion of whether or not to confide in you.” Sarek cleared his throat.

            Kirk felt her face flush a bit, completely embarrassed. Well, she had now definitely revealed her feelings about Spock to his father. She bit her bottom lip and looked to the side, but her bravery got to her, and she was sure to voice another question.

            “I had heard that there are arranged marriages on Vulcan. Is Spock due to be wedded to his potential bride when Pon Farr arrives?” Kirk firmly inquired, not even bothering to apologize for the toes she obviously stepped on with her last question.

            “Captain, these matters are for you to discuss with my son and my son alone. I gave you this information to merely inform you of what is very critical to my son’s health. If you are inquiring of my son’s marital status, his mother and I decided that when he was young we would not betroth him to any one. My wife had decided that it was critical for Spock to pick his own mate. I decided to go with the human custom on that matter.” Sarek responded, a small smirk threatening to fall on his lips.

            He had never seen anyone get so territorial over a potential partner, not with another Vulcan woman concerning her mate. He saw her face soften and her cheeks flush again. He was once again reminded why his son was going through some quite tough decisions. This human was quite a handful, and didn’t believe in ultimate defeat. She was even willing to defy the father of her first officer, which impressed Sarek to a point. He just hoped that she would learn to tame her fast tongue when Spock decided to marry her and connect with her mentally.

            “Thank you, sir. I…apologize for my aggressive questions. I realize how inappropriate that was. I just…care for my First Officer’s safety. I want him to feel like an important member aboard my starship and that if he faces any problems I can attempt to solve them. I…really appreciate you telling me about Pon Farr. I will be sure not to disclose this to anybody else but the CMO aboard the Enterprise so that he can know why he would have to administer that medicine to Spock if we are unable to deliver him to New Vulcan.”

            “Your apology is accepted, Captain Kirk. Please follow me back to where the Ambassador and my son are. I am sure that you are…anxious to return to your ship.”

 

**\--**

 

            “I do have…a protective urge over the Captain. I assume that this is also logical due to the fact that the captain runs the starship. If we lose the captain, the Enterprise can be gravely affected. I do not see this as a…” Spock swallowed, “I do not see this as a sign of the captain being my…beloved.” Spock managed to hack out, seeing his alternative self raise an eyebrow.

            “If that is how you feel, I cannot argue with you. Only you may be able to understand your emotions and decide what to do with them. However, I will encourage you to explore these feelings and not press them down deep inside. You are due to experience Pon Farr in two years. It would be highly preferable if you had secured your T’hy’la by then.” Spock Prime cleared his throat, knowing that he was coming quite forward. However, he knew that he had to be blunt with himself at times, especially when it came to matters of the heart. He would always regret how long it took him to announce his affection for the captain in his timeline. His wait made it nearly impossible for them to conceive, since Jim was nearing 35 when he had announced his love for her.

            “Duly noted. However, I cannot help but feel as if you are trying to…direct me down a certain path. Is that responsible for you to be doing?” Spock shot back at his counterpart, his chest developing a fuzzy feeling now.

            In two years, he would be experiencing his first Pon Farr. He had begun to hope that the face that appeared in his head and the voice in his head whenever he thought of Pon Farr would be who he experienced that with – and it was Jim’s face and voice that always appeared to him.

            “Perhaps. However, I did not reveal any dire information that prevents you from making your own decision, or having a biased decision. I am merely telling you to understand the signs of having found your T’hy’la and not to repress them…for it may be too late when you discover them for your future mate.”

            “Thank you…Ambassador.”

 

**\--**

 

            When Sarek and Jim rejoined with the Ambassador and Spock, both the captain and Spock basically avoided eye contact. They both cleared their throats and declared their thanks to both of the Vulcans.

            “Thank you for hosting us and listening to our questions. We are going to be beamed back aboard the starship for the night. We should return tomorrow at approximately 0900 hours to discuss plans that New Vulcan is planning to unveil to the Federation. Until then, Live Long and Prosper.” Spock nodded to his father and alternate self, holding up the customary hand sign.

            “Yeah, thanks for having us for this time. I look forward to coming back tomorrow morning and discussing the plans for New Vulcan. If there is anything I can do until then, please let me know.” Kirks smiled, pulling out her comm. “Beam us up.”

 

            Both Spock and Jim were embodied by the transporter that beamed them back aboard. When they opened their eyes once again, they were on the transporter pad. Jim stretched and felt completely relieved. New Vulcan always stressed her out. It was hard to deal with all of the logical Vulcans for more than an hour, especially when she was discussing such…awkward things with Spock’s daddy. The oxygen levels on New Vulcan also weren’t very hospitable for a human. She could get by with being on the planet without any oxygen-related medicine, but she guessed that this meeting had stressed her out and caused her to want to gulp more air.

            “Let’s get back to the bridge,” Jim smiled back at Spock, beginning her way off of the transporter, trying to shake the weird feeling from her head. She just had to make her way to her captain’s chair and sit down. That’s easy enough.

            “As it is customary.” Spock responded, following closely behind Jim. He noticed that she seemed a bit lightheaded, and wasn't surprised when she stumbled back into his arms.

            They both let out loud gasps, their eyes widening. When their skin had touched, their lithe bodies nearly falling into each other, they had both felt an electrifying shock that made its way from their fingertips to their chests. Jim had a hard time catching her breath, her shell-shocked blue eyes staring into Spock’s deep brown, causing Scotty, who was standing at the transporter controls to ask if the First Officer and Captain were okay.

            “Oy! Are you two alright? Do you need me to call up Medical?” Scotty asked, alarmed.

            “No, no, that’s…that’s not necessary, Scotty…” Jim breathlessly whispered, slowly parting from Spock, her skin still abuzz with the sensation. It was even better than an orgasm! She coughed into her hand, embarrassed that she thought of the sensation in such a way.

            “Thank you, Mr. Scott, for your concern. I believe the captain just lost her balance due to the oxygen difference on New Vulcan. She should have recovered by now,” Spock cleared his throat, his hands shaking just barely.

            He didn’t need to meditate on this or even ponder it for a second – this electrifying touch that caused both of them to have their own episode of bliss was nothing short of the telltale sign that they were each other’s T’hy’la. He had a feeling that Jim was his T’hy’la, since that thought had gone around his head once or twice. He just didn’t know that he would find out the answer so quickly, right after discussing this with Spock Prime and his father.

            “Spock…you look kind of dazed…Do you need to go back to your quarters and lay down for a bit?” Jim asked, her hands running up to gently hold Spock’s shoulders. She wasn’t even noticing that she was continuing to touch him. She couldn’t get her hands off of him.

            “Yes…” He coughed out, shaking his head, “Yes, Captain. I am alright…” He gently grasped her wrists and pulled them away from his shoulders, the sensation of their bare skin making impact causing him to feel even woozier. He noticed that Jim’s eyes fluttered, and he quickly let go of her.

            “Captain, it is you who should go and lay down. The lack of oxygen on New Vulcan has obviously thrown off your balance. You need not make a trip to the medical bay, but you should go and lay down for the time being, until you feel steadier upon your feet. I will assume control of the starship until you feel strong enough to come to the bridge.” Spock quickly spoke, licking his bottom lip and standing up straight. “Do you need…assistance getting back to your room?”

            “No, no, I can find it myself. Um…s-see you soon.” Jim coughed out, quickly leaving the transporter room, her and Spock going in opposite directions.

            The poor Scotsman stood at the transporter controls still, looking around like he had just witnessed the Lochness Monster beam aboard his ship and greet him.

            “What the _hell_ was that?” Scotty shook his head, leaving the transporter room, “I _really_ need to get away from the engines every once in awhile…”

 

**\--**

            Jim lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She had never really had bodily contact with Spock before. The most they had touched before then was when he gave her a nerve pinch to knock her out before shuttling her off to the planet she met Spock Prime on. This feeling that had traveled up from her fingertips to her chest, leaving a tingle in her core was something that she would never be able to describe _. What the hell was that?_ She had never felt that before. Was it because she was more sensitive due to the lack of oxygen? She softly shook her head, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

            No, that wasn’t even possible. She had been to places that were also low in oxygen, but she never had that sensation before. She felt as if Spock had felt the sensation as well, and she felt them basically crash into each other like waves in the ocean. She couldn’t put her finger on it. It was something that she had never felt when touching another man that she liked. She had plenty of men she had crushes on, and whenever she would touch them, she never felt the sensation she felt with Spock. She took her slim hands and tangled them into her blonde hair, squeezing her eyes shut.

            She was probably completely overthinking this. She could’ve just hyped herself up. After all, she was discussing sensitive matters with two Vulcans. She groaned and flipped to her left side, glaring at bathroom door that led to the shared bathroom that she split with Spock. She slowly stood and decided to take a shower before going back to the bridge. She had about an hour to stew on this. It was about time she let warm water flow over her body before returning to her captain’s chair. Her first duty was to the Enterprise and Starfleet, not her little romantic feelings. She had bigger missions to go on, more important things to encounter – she couldn’t fool with a trivial matter like this.

            She let out a suppressed groan as she walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower, shedding her captain’s uniform before sliding under the steady stream. Now she was beginning to sound like Spock.

 

**\--**

            Spock entered his room after hearing Jim get finished with the shower and head back to her room. He rubbed his eyes and stood in thought for about a minute. Should he go and speak with her about this? If the contact wasn’t enough of a confirmation that Jim was his T’hy’la, he didn’t know what else was. He knew that he had to inform the captain of this, even if it did seem completely inappropriate. The captain and first officer of a starship are not to be involved with each other, or, for that matter, be involved with anybody on their starship. He let out a heavy sigh. Would it be best if he just let the incident go and not discuss it? He could very easily never speak of it with the captain, and he was sure that Jim would bring it up if she deemed necessary. He bit his bottom lip. Jim did love sticking her head into different situations…what if she deemed this situation to be something she had to stick herself into? After all, she was completely involved in it.

            Spock let out a sigh and shook his head. He had to make a firm decision and he had to make it now. He did not want to be grappling with this tomorrow when himself and Jim beamed back down to New Vulcan to quickly discuss plans before heading out onto their next mission. He glared at the ground for a minute, trying to see if talking to Jim was the most logical solution. He knew that things got worse with time – you should never put off something just because you do not want to discuss it. When you put things off, it’s like a wound – it festers. You must cover it up and heal it before it will be functional. He took a deep breath and walked through the bathroom to Jim’s door. He was about to ask if he could come in when Jim suddenly opened the door.

            “Ah!” Jim shouted in surprise, jumping back. When she decided to go talk to Spock about this whole situation, she was not expecting him to be literally right there. She was thinking that if she chickened out a little she could at least run back into her bedroom. It seemed like Spock had decided this situation for the both of them. They were going to discuss it.

            “My apologies, Captain. I was not aware of you being in such close proximity to your door.”

            “No worries, Spock. So…um…what brings you here?” Jim sighed, stepping back and inviting Spock into her quarters. They sat down at one of Jim’s tables, and they both sat up like rigid blocks of wood. They were clearly not relaxed. Jim knew that if Bones were here he’d be cracking up and tease her mercilessly. She could just hear his stupid voice: _‘Well Jim, if you always sat up like this, you wouldn’t be borderline for scoliosis.’_ She grimaced as Spock studied her face closely.

            “I wanted….to discuss what recently happened in the Transporter room, if you would not mind the intrusion, captain.” Spock cleared his throat, his brown eyes avoiding Kirk’s stormy blue for a few seconds.

            Kirk raised a blonde eyebrow, swallowing dryly. She was afraid of what he was going to say. Her, afraid of what a guy may say! Jim would be the first to admit that Spock was totally different from what she usually attracted, and she loved it. That’s why she loved him so much. She couldn’t imagine the Enterprise without him, and that was why she was so reluctant to come out with her affection for him. She was praying with everything she had that Spock wouldn’t turn this into a witch hunt in which he would know that Jim had feelings for him and would have to slowly let her down. She was prepared for that outcome. She knew, that while Vulcans had emotions that ran very deep, crushes weren’t exactly their cup of tea.

            She didn’t know who Spock’s T’hy’la was, and she was very certain that it wasn’t her. What could she provide this half Vulcan? She was all over the place, ready to go at a moment’s notice, and her role as captain was just truly getting off the ground. She was ready to go where nobody had ever gone before. She was a bit younger than Spock (but not by much) and she was the little kid that beat his precious test. She ran a nervous hand through her hair. It felt like a whole lifetime before Spock spoke up.

            “I am certain that my father discussed…a Vulcan tradition with you.” Spock managed to spit out, wanting a black hole to swallow him.

            It was not customary for Vulcans to discuss Pon Farr with other Vulcans, let alone a human female. He was sure that his father was grappling with that situation while he was talking to Jim.

            “Uh…yeah…it was something like pom-poms or something…” Jim murmured, not really able to focus on anything. Her palms were sweating like crazy, and she could’ve sworn that the temperature in her room went up to a billion degrees. God, what did a captain have to do to get some quality air conditioning?!

            “It’s Pon Farr, Captain. It is a very…cultural practice for our people, and we do this practice with our…mate.”

            “Oh yeah! I heard about that! It was a T’hy’la, right?” Jim questioned just a bit too eagerly, and she wanted to smack herself. She was being obvious and she wanted to run out the door. Could Spock hurry this rejection up a bit faster?

            Spock nearly let out a wheeze when the word flowed off of Jim’s lips so perfectly. He nearly squeezed his hands into fists. Spock Prime must’ve brought this up with her. He wondered what his counterpart told Jim in regards to that. He shook his head and knew he had to continue.

            “That is correct. Our T’hy’la is our mate that is connected to us in every single way, from the mental, physical, and spiritual. Once bonded, the two mates can communicate with each other from different galaxies.” Spock continued, sighing just slightly. “Do you know how we know who our T’hy’la is?”

            Jim perked up at Spock asking her a question. She tilted her head to the side and tried to remember if Spock Prime had said anything about how they chose their mates. All she remembered was Sarek telling her that the person they mated with at Pon Farr was their T’hy’la, for the most part.

            “Um…I don’t really think so. I wasn’t told how a Vulcan finds out if someone is their T’hy’la…” Jim honestly admitted, biting the inside of her cheek.

            Here it goes – Spock is going to tell her that his T’hy’la is not her and that he must find her or something. She winced softly as she waited for the blow.

            “We are aware of who are T’hy’la is through touch.” Spock announced, wondering why Jim was basically wincing as if they were waiting for impact.

            “Oh.” Jim managed to squeak, still not catching on. Spock was hoping that Jim was going to at least be able to get where he was going, but the captain was still in the dark. She was an extremely intelligent person, but when it came to stuff like this, Spock felt like he would have to basically yell at her, point-blank what he felt.

            “Do you recall the…feeling that you received when I caught you after you became faint in the transporter room?” Spock questioned, a green twinge hitting his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

            Jim sat in thought. How the hell could she forget that feeling? It still had her heart beating just a bit above average. She just wanted to touch him again so that she could experience the warmth and electric current once again. She nodded.

            “Yeah, it was…something…” Jim croaked, trying to control herself. She desperately wanted to put her hand on top of his, but she resisted.

            “Captain…” Spock began, taking a small breath, “that…feeling that you received…I received it as well.”

            Jim’s eyes widened as the pieces all came together. They had both felt this jolt – this warmth when their bodies pressed into each other. The way that Spock Prime would avoid her questions, the way that Sarek discussed the private matters of Vulcan biology…it was all leading up to this unveiling. Was she…was she really?

            “I…” Jim managed to choke out, her eyes growing in size, her cheeks basically steaming.

            “Jim…” Spock breathed shakily, finally dropping her Captain title, “You are my T’hy’la.”

            Jim was basically shell-shocked. Of course, this was the best news that she could’ve ever heard. The man that she loved was also in love with her, and she was now thrust into the beautiful tradition that this man had. They would bond, and they would be in each other’s minds 24/7. They would never be apart. She bit her bottom lip as she tried to calm herself down and try to think it out before exploding everywhere with happiness. She had never expected…this.

            “Spock, I…I…oh my God…” Jim wheezed, slowly standing as Spock quickly got to his feet, beginning to panic just a bit.

            Now he was waiting for the rejection. Just because someone is your T’hy’la does not mean that they are going to like you back. While T’hy’la was usually something that both parties agreed on, there were instances where it was not well received. T’hy’la was not an act of fate – just because a Vulcan knew that someone was their T’hy’la did not mean that person was fated to be mated with them forever and for always. He knew that the chances of that happening were extremely rare, but Jim Kirk was a rare person. The first female captain in the history of Starfleet, and one of the youngest. She did the impossible. Spock began to wonder if he was facing his unwinnable situation.

            “Captain, I understand if this is—"

            “Why did you call me Captain again? I love it when you call me Jim…” Jim whispered, shaking her head, “Spock, I’m in love with you. God, I’m in love with you…” Jim groaned, putting her hand on her face to hide her blush, “I’ve been in love with you for quite some time now…” Jim trailed, shaking her head, “I mean, I was talking to Bones literally every night in the med bay practicing what I how the hell I was going to confess to you. I was literally about to pop!” Jim exclaimed, still hiding her face.

            Spock’s mouth fell open. Wow…just…wow. Jim had been in love with him this whole entire time and he did not even notice. Of course, he knew he was super blind to that kind of thing, but he then began to realize just how foolish he was. He had thought that Jim was in love with Dr. McCoy…but she was really working on trying to tell him her feelings. He let out a small smile.

            “Jim…Jim, show me your face.” Spock sighed, waiting for Jim to slowly peel her hands from her face.

            The captain did so, and he noticed that she had some small tears in her eyes from what he could guess was relief and happiness. He saw her eyes light up when noticing the smile that lingered on his lips, and she couldn’t help herself. She leaned forward and captured her lips with his, taking him off guard. Of course, Spock knew how humans kissed – he saw it all the time while he was in his undergraduate studies and while he was a commander at the Academy. However, he had never experienced one. In his haze of absolute joy, he pushed their middle and pointer fingers together, which caused both of them to gasp. Jim quickly broke the kiss, blushed.

            “Heh, sorry. I was a bit forward there…” Jim shook her head, their fingers still together. “Is that a Vulcan kiss?” She laughed, looking up at him.

            Spock had a hard time hiding his blush.

            “Yes. On Vulcan, this is how we express our affection.”

            “I like it.” Jim sighed, not letting go. “Well…uh…this was not what I was expecting to happen after beaming up from New Vulcan.”

            “Likewise. If I had been told that the little cadet that had cheated my unwinnable exam would become my T’hy’la and my captain, I would have never believed it. It’s just not…logically…comprehensible.”

            “Well, you know, _Mr._ Spock,” Jim teased, putting her face into his shoulder, “love is not exactly logical.”

            “I am well aware of that now,” He smirked, “I suppose we should resume our duties on the Bridge. We will...announce this development to my father tomorrow. I hesitate to ponder what the reaction to this will be from the crew and Starfleet. It may be troublesome. After all, a Captain and First Officer are not to be bound to others aboard their starship.” Spock cleared his throat, back into his logical mindset again.

            “I wouldn’t be too worried about it. I’m Jim Kirk. They’d never pull me from the Enterprise, and you’re the best First Officer that Starfleet has to offer. They would never pull you from the best ship in the fleet,” Jim smirked softly.

            “Jim, you may want to rethink that idea. I cannot tell you how Starfleet Command will react to this, even if we are high-ranking officers. This situation may be self-defeating…”

            Jim shook her head and slowly pressed her lips to the Vulcan’s once again. He looked at her as she flashed the smile that he recognized from the minute she sassed him at the podium all those months ago, when this all began.

_“I don’t believe in unwinnable scenarios.”_

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING ALL THE WAY TO THE END!
> 
> i hope you guys liked it. remember, you can catch me at girlkirk.tumblr.com if you have any requests. i'm finally done with this semester and i have all summer to write for you guys. <3


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